If you didn’t have a chance to listen to the recent podcast “Is There an Adult In the Room” I want to repeat the gist here in a shortened blog version, because it has within it information that can drastically shift your life for the better.
If we are honest with ourselves we all have parts inside of us that drive us crazy. But, whether we let them rule or not is entirely another thing.
Whether you are brand new to this information, you already know it and have been “around the block” with it, you are a long time therapist, or even a spiritual teacher, the truth is we ALL have subconscious “parts” which can cause pain and chaos in our lives.
We all have our own unique mix of parts that can cause chaos…the overachiever, the one who keeps their heart shut down, the better than or less than part, the rebel, the one who numbs out, and so many more…
Whatever it is for you, until we learn how to stabilize and heal them they will cause chaos in our lives…
that is until they don’t.
In Steps Gestalt Somatic Awakening®
Gestalt Somatic Awakening®, the first phase of Somatic Awakening®, was created to help us do just that…stop these parts from ruling our life, so we can be free.
Over the years I found that no matter how successful Somatic Awakening® The Practice was, the first part of Somatic Awakening® that came online, if these parts were still running in a person’s life, the healing wasn’t as permanent or deep.
So, Gestalt Somatic Awakening® came on board to give us the ability to deeply connect to and understand these parts. Then it connects us to a higher aspect of ourselves which brings healing to them. In doing so, it brings balance to our lives and allows deeper healing to take root.
Why Are These Parts Here
These painful parts are primarily created through very stressful events and trauma in one’s life.
In most situations after a traumatic event, an “aspect” or “part” of ourselves is created to try to help us out.
But, these “parts” are created at the level of maturity we were when the trauma happened. Our young psyches come up with a solution at that level of maturity to try to help us. However, this younger self doesn’t really understand what is going on when the trauma occurred. They often misunderstand and make it about themselves or learn an unhealthy coping mechanism.
Over time this perception or behavior gets lodged in their psyche. And, every time anything happens that reminds them of this past trauma, these “parts” get turned on. And, if they are not aware of them they can get stuck on repeat, causing decades of pain.
So, although these parts may have been helpful when we were younger, as we get older they can cause a lot of chaos.
Let me give you an example of one woman’s experience so you can more fully understand.
The Girl Who Loved Daddy
In this example, a four-year-old girl had an emotionally abusive and avoidant father. However, occasionally he would be very loving to her and treat her like “Daddy’s Special Little Girl”.
So she tried everything possible to get his attention and have him love her. But no matter what she tried, more often than not he was angry and distant.
She was too young to understand that his distance and anger had more to do with him than her. To her, it was out of the question to believe that anything was wrong with him because to her he was bigger than life…he was her king.
So, she decided that something must be terribly wrong with her.
From this experience, an anxious, overly-attached, clingy part was created in her psyche. A part that believed she wasn’t worthy of love, that she had to work hard to be loved, and would get super upset when it perceived that she was being abandoned.
Painfully, this pattern continued throughout her life, especially in her romantic relationships and this continued for decades.
What Does This Have to Do With Me?
The sad part is that this isn’t just about her.
It’s about every single one of us.
We all have painful parts. Our parts may be different from her and come from different trauma. But as we get older they all can cause pain.
To clarify this, let’s go back to her story. As a little girl when she perceived her father was abandoning her she would get super upset to try to win his love back…and occasionally this worked.
However, it backfired as she got older. Now, she would get super upset and act out of control when her boyfriend didn’t immediately call her back…because this “part” felt like he was abandoning her. Her boyfriend started thinking that she was crazy. She knew that she wasn’t. But, she didn’t fully understand what the ____ was happening.
That is until one day she decided to do whatever it took to heal this because she just couldn’t live like this anymore.
Can you relate to what I’m talking about here?
Maybe not the specific story…but to the part that’s Out of Control?
If you can, I get you.
I’ll be honest, I’ve used this to help stabilize my own parts that have caused chaos in my life, too.
No matter how “awake” we may be, we are not free of these painful subconscious “parts” until we are in a direct healing relationship with them. Because these parts can pull us down from an elevated state and back into a quagmire. Trust me. This one I know.
So, let’s be honest and remember…we all have parts.
And I have good news…there is a way out!
How Does Gestalt Somatic Awakening® Help Shift These Parts?
In Gestalt Somatic Awakening® you are guided through a process where you begin to deeply understand your parts. You get to know what they are trying to do, what traumatic experience created them, and how they are trying to protect you. This isn’t just about remembering another traumatic story, this is about knowing how these parts tick, so they can be truly seen.
This process then connects you with a higher aspect of yourself…your Adult Consciousness. This higher wiser aspect has the ability to deeply acknowledge, understand, and have compassion for these parts.
This is a significant step because it creates a relationship to the part which causes differentiation. Imagine one minute this part is subconsciously running on auto-pilot like it always does, and then your adult consciousness turns toward it and sees it for what it is, trauma and all. This differentiates our awareness of it, we realize we are not the part, and it stops the part in its tracks.
For some, you might be saying oh yes, re-parenting, I’ve heard of this before. But, it’s more than an imaginary benevolent parent showing up occasionally. This is consistently engaging a higher part of ourselves at the ground level every time any part shows up. It is a turning toward the part in the moment in an understanding compassionate way where this part, its story, and why it’s doing what it’s doing, is deeply seen.
When this happens an authentic relationship to the part is created. It begins to soften and trust that it is actually being understood and cared for. And over time this shifts your life, because the parts aren’t as loud and you step into more capacity.
The more your adult consciousness is in the room the more your life flows with understanding, stability, ease, and grace.
And when your adult consciousness is not in the room these parts can run wild and create a lot of suffering because, in essence, a younger traumatized part of you is driving the car of your life.
Yes, really.
Is this what you want?
Taking It Deeper Into Your Life
Every time your adult consciousness brings understanding and healing into a new painful aspect of yourself you step more into freedom. It’s like a breath of fresh air.
These difficult parts you’ve been trying to get rid of finally shift, not by throwing them out or affirming them away. But, by being seen, held, and understood by your adult consciousness.
With this, they stop dysfunctionally running your life because they feel compassionately cared for, and can finally relax.
The more you do this the more you are ready for the next powerful layers of healing available in Phase II: Somatic Awakening® The Practice and Phase III: Quantum Somatic Awakening®; which open the doors even wider to incredible healing and freedom.
Where to Go Next?
Next time you get triggered, know that this part is waiting for you to truly see it, bring deeper understanding, and compassion to it.
So, you are invited as much as you can to be understanding to yourself and your parts.
If you need help doing so, know that Gestalt Somatic Awakening® is here to help guide you along the journey to healing and freedom.
If you feel called to go further you can experience this work in a one-on-one session with me or learn it through a group.
If you would like to do the latter and experience Gestalt Somatic Awakening®, while also getting a taste of the other phases of Somatic Awakening®, I invite you to join us for:
Break Free
A 15 Day Online Meditation Experience,
April 3rd-15th, 2021
By Donation
May this blog help stabilize, heal, and balance the painful parts inside so they stop dysfunctionally running your life and you step into ease, peace, and freedom.
Love and Healing Blessings,
Dr. Melissa
**Gestalt Somatic Awakening® is an evolved form of the modality Voice Dialogue created by Hal and Sidra Stone, as well as Gestalt Therapy founded by Fritz Pearls. Deep gratitude for these giants in the movements of psychology, consciousness, and self-help.
