Years ago when I was reading the now-classic book The Power of Now I almost fell off of my chair when Eckhart Tolle exclaimed that women are closer to enlightenment than men.1 In essence, he was saying that women evolve faster than men.
It absolutely made sense to me that women evolve faster than men. This is what I had seen and experienced in my healing practice, as well as in my own life.
After researching this more closely I discovered that in 2013 a British study showed that there is an actual 11-year lag between women and men. Where the average man doesn’t reach full emotional maturity until age 43, whereas women mature by the age of 32.2 So, this isn’t just a social meme, but a now proven fact.
There are many different factors that play into why this is. But, the biggest factor I’ve seen is that we females have to deal with our s_ _ _ every month while having a monthly menstrual cycle. Our monthly hormones, especially when out of balance, force us to deal with whatever we hadn’t dealt with during the month. Anything, that we had stuffed down arises like a vengeance due to the swing of our emotions activated by our hormones. The intensity of this cycle activates our pain body and like it or not we then need to be with and heal what’s arising.
The pain-body is a term coined by Eckhart Tolle, that describes the parts of the ego, psyche, somatic body, and shadow that hold the density of pain that usually comes from past trauma or difficult situations. And, hormones that are out of balance trigger our pain body.
Crazy Times…That Fueled My Evolution
I remember when I was a young adult I would often brush over things that actually hurt me in favor of “keeping the peace”. However, later on in the month, these feelings that I had brushed over would explosively come back during my monthly hormonal surges. I remember so many times when a fight that I had two weeks earlier with my then partner would come explosively back online. Oftentimes this happened without me even knowing what exactly was going on. I just knew I was mad, hurt, or felt victimized by what had happened. By the time the emotions from the fight came fully back online the feelings were often worse than what I originally felt because they had been suppressed. So, like a pressurized force, they would come out roaring like a dragon complete with bitting someone’s head off…metaphorically of course.
Back then I didn’t know anything about the difference between the negative voices of my psyche and the more mature part of me that can be with and stabilize these negative voices. Therefore, I would believe whatever negative thing my psyche was telling me as true, such as, “Something must be terribly wrong with me. Why do I feel so crazy?” Or, “He clearly doesn’t love me or he would have __________.”
The truth was, I was being bombarded with hormones which made my ego and pain body easily agitated by the negative voices of my psyche. And, this hormonal-emotional cascade was super triggering to whatever was happening in my life. Therefore, I became SUPER MOTIVATED to do whatever it took to heal and get my hormones in balance so I would feel sane again.
This is ultimately why I believe women evolve faster than men. The pain of the out-of-balance hormonal-emotional cascade forces us to do our work. And, if we don’t, unfortunately, we then pay the consequences by suffering through this process.
Learning How to Balance Hormones
Through my own process and the many women I’ve worked with over the years in clinical practice, I’ve become an expert in helping women through PMS, PMDD (a more serious form of PMS), Perimenopause, Menopause, and more. This is an important part of helping women find balance in their lives. Because if our hormones are out of whack we can have numerous physical symptoms. This can also cause us to feel like an emotional wreck. The out-of-balanced hormones stir up our pain body and our negative voices inside, very akin to stirring up a hornet’s nest.
But, the bright side is that we can find balance with out-of-balance hormones. And, on a deeper level utilize these experiences as initiations that advance us toward our deeper healing and evolution.
How to Work with Out of Balance Hormones
When women come to me feeling crazy and have multiple different symptoms because of PMS, PMDD, Perimenopause, Menopause, or another form of hormonal imbalance I typically find that we need to do two things: 1. Get their hormones back in balance by utilizing specific herbs, supplements, and if needed bio-identical hormones. 2) Work with the underlying issues of healing their pain body.
FIRST – Balancing Hormones
Working with balancing hormones is akin to herding a cat it takes finesse, care, and understanding. If we know what hormones are off we then can utilize the many herbs and supplements to bring powerful hormonal balance.
When a woman has PMS, PMDD, or another hormone imbalance while she is still having a menstrual cycle we need to discover exactly which hormones are imbalanced, and when they are imbalanced during her monthly cycle. I do this by looking intuitively, as well as, often will run lab tests to get a sense of exactly what’s happening throughout the entirety of her monthly cycle. This can be very helpful because when we understand what part of her cycle needs the most support different protocols at different times of her cycle can be utilized with great success to bring balance.
Perimenopause is the years prior to a woman officially going into menopause. During these years (which can last up to a decade) hormones can change wildly from one end of the spectrum to the other. I often tell women during this time that the one thing we know for sure is that their hormones will change. So, the intention is to find balance with where the hormones are at in that particular time, and then track the body and the hormones, as they change. The good news is that we can continue to bring balance through this time by the use of different protocols needed at different times for hormone balancing. Perimenopause is truly an initiation that is likened to a gateway of stepping into the archetype of the Wise Woman. Initiations are not always smooth and easy. But, with someone on your team to help you calm the dragon, you can make it through with as much ease and grace as possible.
Once a woman officially stops bleeding for 12 months (or 13 months according to the Wise Woman traditions) she is considered to be in menopause. Menopause brings on many different changes in a woman’s life. It’s a powerful time and I will surely write another blog entirely devoted to menopause in the future. But, in comparison to the wild hormone swings of the prior years of perimenopause, things start to settle down during this time. The initiation, especially in the form of night sweats, insomnia, low libido, mood swings, and more can still be occurring. But, at this stage it’s more about nourishing the body with good self-care, supportive herbs, and supplements, and either adding in phytohormones (herbs that have hormones naturally in them) or bio-identical hormones as needed.
SECOND – Working With the Pain Body
No matter what stage a woman is at, but especially if she is still in a monthly cycle when hormones can be too high or too low, her pain body can get super activated. We all have density within our pain body and psyche whether that shows up as pain, contractions, negative voices of suffering, fear, or something else. These energies are usually stored in our being. And, the more traumatic experiences we’ve had in this life or past the more density we are carrying around. Thus the more we can get activated when the hormones are out of balance.
However, when it comes to significant PMS or PMDD our pain body can begin to feel excruciating and we can feel bonkers a few days to a few weeks out of the month. Therefore, to truly heal we not only need to balance the hormones we also need to heal our pain body. There are many different ways to do so, but I have found the most powerful healing experience with my patients through Somatic Awakening®.
Aligning To Adult Consciousness
In order to decrease the hold that our negative voices have on us, we need to align with our adult consciousness which has the ability to stabilize these parts of us. Our adult consciousness is a part of our higher ego, our higher mind, and our spirit. Therefore, it has the wisdom of discernment and presence. This part of us has the ability to be in relationship to these difficult parts and help stabilize them. When the adult consciousness is in a true and authentic relationship with these negative voices they no longer run out of control and they start to settle. Working with our Adult Consciousness helps us stabilize and begin the process of shifting these voices inside that are painful, difficult, and weigh us down and this is what Phase I of Somatic Awakening® is all about.
However, to truly feel better we need to go all the way to the core of what fuels these negative voices and transmute the trauma at the root of where the trauma, pain, and contraction live in the somatic body. To do so we need to utilize a part of us that has a higher vibration than our Adult Consciousness and bring in a higher aspect of our higher self. In utilizing the aspect of our spirit known as our Higher Self Witness Consciousness we have the ability to shift the densest contractions held within our somatic body and psyche. Through this process, we bring our Higher Self Witness Consciousness down into the somatic body and in direct relationship to any pain, trauma, or contraction that is there. And, we do this by utilizing Phase II of Somatic Awakening® called The Practice.
In this process, your higher self comes into a dynamic connection with all aspects of your being. As the light of your spirit connects with the different aspects of your somatic body, ego, shadow, and psyche powerful transformations occur…negative inner self-talk shifts to kindness, contractions of trauma, as well as the fear, pain, and suffering underlying these contractions, are healed. With this, your pain body becomes less dense. Here you are no longer triggered as much and when you do get triggered you can move out of it much quicker.
How Women’s Evolution Will Help Balance the World
Through the many ways of navigating the balancing of our hormones, as well as healing our pain body, negative voices, and traumatic contractions women can powerfully heal, evolve, and awaken. In doing so we continue to open the way for evolution individually and collectively.
The evolution of women at this time in the world is vitally significant and very needed. We are living in a time where we as women are free more than ever to release old shackles of disempowerment and claim our authentic power. In doing so, we have the ability to fully activate our soul’s purpose and potently create positive change in the world.
In 2009, the Dalai Lama said that the western women will save the world.3 I absolutely believe him in the core of my being. And, from this vantage point, acknowledging that women evolve faster than men is not an ego judgment. But, an actuality that can help bring humanity and the world back into balance.
So let us acknowledge and ride the waves of the flow of our hormones and emotions. Let us allow this process to change us, transform us, and lead us ever more powerfully into the changes that need to happen. As we step into our empowered soul’s path, we are called to stand at the forefront of leading our ailing world back into balance. And, as we do we realize we are not alone…that there are millions of other women standing right next to us. LET’S DO THIS SISTERS!!!
In Oceans of Love and Blessings,
Melissa Sophia Joy
If you are needing support in balancing your hormones, taking your next steps in healing your pain body, and fully activating your empowerment I would love to work with you.
Dr. Melissa Sophia Joy is an internationally known spiritual teacher that has been in practice as a naturopathic doctor, mind-body-spirit specialist, and medical intuitive for over twenty years. She is the Founder of Somatic Awakening® and Founding Director of Sophia Healing Academy. She is a Divine Feminine Messenger, Priestess in the Magdalene-Sophia tradition, Ordained Oracle, and Mystic. Most significantly she has gone through multiple layers of healing, spiritual awakening, embodiment, and mystical unfolding arising from a living relationship with the Divine. She has been given a torch to be a leader of Divine Feminine Healing and Awakening through the practice of Somatic Awakening® and beyond in today’s world. She helps her patients and students discover deep healing, awakening, and an embodiment of their true essence. Above all, she helps them get in touch with their own inherent divine nature of their higher self and the divine conduit of energy that flows through which heals all.
- Tolle, Eckhart, The Power of Now, Novato, CA, New World Library, 1999, pg. 164-166.
2. Olsen, Samantha, Men Mature After Women — 11 Years After, To Be Exact — A British Study Reveals, www.medicaldaily.com, June, 11, 2014, https://www.medicaldaily.com/men-mature-after-women-11-years-after-be-exact-british-study-reveals-246716.
3. Vasumi, The Dalai Lama says western women will save the world, www.timeswaves.org, June 23, 2011, https://timewaves.org/the-dalai-lama-says-western-women-will-save-the-world/.